new favorite quote

I have received several comments over the years about the quote that i used as my "signature" at the end of my emails. It was one that i found in the book Captivating, which is still and will always be one of my favorite books. I grew as a person tremendously from it. When we first started dating, Ben read Captivating and I read the men's version of it, Wild at Heart. These books spawned many deep discussions and helped us get to know one another. Couples near and far, we recommend doing this!!

The quote was:

"Security is not found in the absence of danger, but in the presence of Jesus."

SO TRUE!! I love it still to this day, and still find it to be such a comfort, especially in knowing that Jesus is with me all the time. Therefore, what is there to fear?? Um...NOTHING. Ahhhh, such sweet, sweet freedom.

So as you can see, this quote is near and dear to me, so in order to say that i have found a new one to turn to and find truth from, indicates that it must be great.

I found it in the book i'm currently reading that I talked about here. It is specifically in Chapter 3, Struggle: The Spirituality of the Desert Saints. I for one had never heard of the desert saints (has anyone??) and am discovering the vast amount of wisdom that these folks have to pass on. This particular quote is part of their core beliefs. My prayer is that this wisdom will reach the core of my spirit and shape me. It is one thing to read a good book or good quote; it's another to have it change the reader. That is my prayer - that i will be truly changed by what I am reading.

This particular quote i find to be filled with truth and it also comes at a perfect time.

So here it is:

"...the goal of life in this world is not ease, prosperity and success but intimacy with God, maturity of character, and influence in the world."

Having just returned to New York from a fantastic vacation in North Carolina and Tennessee, i have been noticing more than usual the difficulties of New York living. You know, no laundry or dishwasher, having to walk everywhere even when it is 95 degrees outside, lighting issues in the apartment, noise, costs... So this quote is reminding me that in this life, I will struggle. I will not always have ease and comfort. I may some day not appear to be successful in the world's eyes. But if those things are not my goal, then they don't have to affect me, who I am at my core.

I desire so much to increase my intimacy with God, to continue to become a woman of mature character, and to make a difference in the world during my lifetime. These are the things of substance. These are the things that really matter.

I pray that I will truly, deeply be changed from this.

imitation

My husband and i have recently been reading Hebrews. We have had a wonderful discussion on the first few chapters and hope to keep the discussions going! In the meantime, i spent some time meditating on chapters 5-7, seeking to absorb them as best as i can.

Upon reading chapter 6 the first time, i was immediately struck by verse 12: "We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."

Imitating those who have come before me.

At about this same time i had just finished reading this memoir and had rediscovered my love for memoirs. (Girl Meets God is one of my favorites.) So i found it appropriate that i now felt called by God to read more of them in order to learn from, and thus imitate, others.

So i began my search for the *perfect* person whose life i could learn from, in a Christian, Jesus-filled kind of way, who had also written about it. I started off at Barnes & Noble, perusing their Biographies and Memoirs section. Nothing stood out. I then spent an endless amount of time checking out all the books on Amazon's "bestselling memoirs" list. Again, nothing that really grabbed my attention. Clearly someone's story should suffice, right??? But since i had received Word from God about imitation so clearly, i didn't want to simply settle for just any book.

And then one day i arrived to work (like i always do), turned on my computer monitor (like i always do), and began my day (like i...well you get the idea. same old same old). All the sudden, i looked down at the two books that i have stacked underneath my monitor (to raise it) and thought, "hey, i wonder what these are all about." To my amazement, one of these was the perfect book!

It's called Water from a Deep Well: Christian Spirituality from Early Marytrs to Modern Missionaries. It takes the reader through Christian history, specifically highlighting those Christians who have stood out for one reason or another. So not only do i get to read about one person, i get to read about several people throughout history!!

I have been reading whenever I have the chance and have been captivated by the stories and lessons I can learn from those who have come before me. Plus, it's written in a reader-friendly kind of way so I haven't ever gotten the sense that I'm reading a text book.

I highly recommend this for anyone who would like to imitate those who have come before us. There's so much to learn.

More info on the book can be found here.

yummy childhood goodness with a twist

Today I found out some great news... some TASTY great news. Two of my fondest, tastiest treats from my childhood have joined forces to create what I believe will be one of the yummiest treats out there.

Before I unveil this new creation, here's a brief background of the two treats i grew up with.

The first treat:

photo credit

When i was in elementary school, the only Krispy Kreme shop nearby was located in Daytona, FL. Therefore, whenever we would venture to the beach, we would also stop at Krispy Kreme and enjoy some doughnuts!! It was a win win situation! Beach time and doughnuts. I never imagined that a better combo could be born...until today.

The second treat:

photo credit

Cheerwine. Ahhhh... Love it still to this day! For those of you who don't know, it's a soda that has a very distinct taste, almost similar to dr. pepper cherry vanilla. It too was hard to come by, since it is only available in the Carolinas. I connect my love with Cheerwine with childhood memories of cabins and family vacations there. My grandparents rented out cabins (and eventually built their own) in North Carolina and we had quite a few family gatherings there through the years. Oftentimes, my sister and i would insist on having our parents bring back a few 12 packs of Cheerwine to Florida!

And now, the great unveiling...

photo credit

The Krispy Kreme Cheerwine Doughnut!!!
http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/07/16/krispy-kreme-cheerwine-doughnut-announced-lets-brainstorm-other-ultimate-southern-collaborations/

And this makes me VERY excited! Especially because i'll be heading down to North Carolina next week where I will be able to indulge in this fabulous combo!! When i return, i will post my review.

moments from heaven

My co-worker (and Pastor of a church in NYC who i'll refer to as PC) just returned from an hour and a half "coffee run."

But there's a Starbucks on every block in New York! Why the heck did it take so long??

Well, in Starbucks PC noticed a guy sitting at his own table, reading The Shack. (PC and I have spoken many times about this book and about how life-changing it has been for many, including people close to us.) So PC made a comment in passing to this guy of how good a book it was.

The guy responded, "Do you know much about it? Because i've got a lot of questions."

And thus began an hour long conversation between them about the book, Jesus, Christianity, and other such topics. PC has a gift for engaging in natural conversations with people about these topics, never getting into "debates" or seeking to "convert" but rather hearing the person, getting to know them, and addressing their needs in love.

At the end of their time together, no major conversion took place. The gentleman did not declare himself to be a Christian. (But is "on-the-spot conversion" the point? I don't think so.) Rather, he left with a sense that he was heard, with a greater understanding of Jesus and with much to contemplate. This conversation may perhaps serve as a mile marker as his journey continues onward.

I love it when God gives us moments from Heaven like this.

another definite "elaine" experience

This is not one of my prouder moments, but i feel that writing about it will help me move forward and ease my mind. Do you remember that episode of Seinfeld when Elaine is pretty sure that the ladies at the nail salon are talking about and laughing at her? Well, that is EXACTLY how i felt at the nail salon today, and it. did. not. feel. good! :(

I was super excited for my "July mani/pedi." Summer school ended last week, and this was a wonderful way to celebrate and also get "prettied up" for my upcoming weekend in PA. So i scouted out a few places and settled on a small place that advertised a $19.99 deal for both! Perfect! Jack pot! AND it was only three blocks from my apt.

My overall experience at this Chosen Place was pleasant, aside from another customer next to me, who insisted on having her manicure done a certain, unnecessary way. I tuned her out as best as i could. I chose my pretty bubble gum pink color and all was groovy...

Until it was time to pay...

Normally, I have cash on me. But not today. So when I was asked to pay, I politely asked if i could put the tip on my credit card. No was the answer, followed up with but you can get cash from the ATM next door. Back in my single days, i would have happily obliged but, well, nowadays my husband and i are on a budget and really every dollar is important! I couldn't justify in my mind spending an additional $2.50 (most likely) on that darn ATM fee.

Now i have been told that i can be quite charming and convincing in times like these. I usually can "make things happen" for myself, and do it gracefully. I tried this.

Since this is my first time here, is there any way that i can charge the tip on my credit card just this once? (insert smile and shoulder shrug) And I'll know for the future to bring cash.

Not only did i get the cold shoulder from the store owner, I got ignored by her! She continued to look down at her magazine, even though i was a mere 4 feet away!

I started to get aggravated.

Excuse me, ma'am? MA'AAM???

She finally looked up and, well the rest is a bit of a blur... I ended up being charged an additional dollar for having used my credit card for the tip AND found out that I had been charged another dollar for something else that i had not been told would cost a thing! I spouted out some things about how i would not be coming back there and how i was shocked by the customer service and treatment i was receiving, etc...

And then i had to wait for those dang nails to dry! So i sat, tension filled, so NOT relaxed after my time at the spa...

and that's when it began... the huddle of female employees in the corner, then the laughter, and then at one point, one of them literally pointed at me!! I wanted to run for the hills!!

...but those DANG slow-drying nails!!!

So sit there, i did. Until FINALLY!! They were dry!!!

I left with the little bit of dignity that i could muster and came home feeling wiped out and sad. Elaine walked out of her salon in much the same way. I may even have some mascara smudged below my eye like her.

Relaxation attempt - FAILED!

p.s. When I told my husband this story, he so kindly replied, "honey, just so you know, in the future, you have my full support to use one of those costly atm's if it will save you aggravation like this!" :) I love him!!

waking up is hard to do-ooo

After a few months of contemplating this idea, giving it one faulty try, and talking with others about the issue, I have made the leap into morningdom. This is a feat that could not be done on my own, however. I am doing this alongside some other amazing people in my church community. We have committed to waking up at least 20 minutes earlier than normal for some intentional God-time, for the next four weeks (and beyond). Along the way, we are sharing with each other our thoughts, struggles with tiredness, and ways that God is speaking to us and through us. Day 5 is upon us and so far, so good! I'm not saying it has been "easy," but i will say that it's been worth it and the fruits of our sacrifices are already showing!

One of the first thoughts i had prior to Day 1 of this season was, "My spirit is willing but my flesh is so weak." This summed me up! I so desperately wanted to start my day with God, allowing Him to "fill up" my spiritual/emotional tank each day, but I just didnt think that the sacrifice of less sleep would do me any good. I need sleep! I need rest! And, yes, this is of course true, but what i gathered from that verse (not sure where in the Bible it is) was that if i have a willing spirit, God will take care of the rest.

And He has!

In fact, this week i have had a couple of incredibly tired days. I mean, we're talking cant keep my eyes open kind of tired. And yet, even so, I have been more available to others, more alert to those around me, and have had such a strong desire and capacity to love on others. Prayers have been answered within this community, God has been bringing people into our lives to love on, and we have been receiving a vast amount of encouragement from Him.

With this incredible community and with the Holy Spirit walking with us, I fully believe that we will make it though the tough days and press on together in this journey!

weekend retreat

Well, the fog might not have lifted yet from the pathway between North America and the UK/Europe, but i am happy to report that my Thurs fog has passed! Oh to be on the other side of that dreadful day is truly a delight! My mood has improved, my motivation is strong, and my outlook on life is a positive one again. Yippee!!!!

This weekend, i will be in the Catskills with my AMAZING church community for a much-needed retreat. There will be over 30 of us, living it up in a house together. I pray that the Holy Spirit speaks to us in powerful ways as we seek to know Him and each other better. I pray for spirits of transparency and joy to fill the house. I pray for safety and good health for all of us. I pray for a spirit of renewal to come upon each of us, so that we may return to the city energized and ready to live mightily for Him. And lastly, i pray that this will be a time of CELEBRATION as we bask in the goodness and grace of Jesus.

Let the fun begin!! :)

thursdays

Thursdays. SUCH DIFFICULT DAYS TO GET THROUGH.

We're oh so close to the sweetness of Fridays but wait, we've gotta make it through this stinkin' day first. We've almost made it to the very end of the week which means that the weekend is very close by...but not here yet! So i endure. I trudge through this thursday in hopes that the lights of friday will soon be shining brightly upon me. How sweet that day will be!! Just gotta get through this one first.

Even when good things happen on Thursday (today is a perfect example of this!), its still a day that i'm excited to have behind me.

Yes, such the debbie downer i become on thursdays. Womp-womp.

walking skills

As i was walking down 14th St. this evening after work, dodging left and right the traffic of people, something occurred to me:

I was trained for these sidewalks.

That's right, i was trained, and trained well to dodge oncoming traffic and swerve past the slow pokes on the mean sidewalks of NYC. It all began in 6th grade in the hallways of my middle school. I dodged like none other! In fact, i have recollections of using my elbows to aid in weaving through the crowds. Perhaps my petite size had an impact on this. I was more easily able to maneuver my way, slipping past groups of students at a time. See, we didnt have much time to make it to our next class, and sometimes that meant heading to the other end of the school. Tough times called for tough action. And as petite was i was, i still packed a punch (or an elbow swat).

Now, let me convey that i have ceased using the elbow swat. It was useful at the time but now i fear that it would lead to much more trouble than simply a confused glance.

So nowadays, on the sidewalks of New York, i use my walking skills. I dodge, i swerve, i hustle, i even occasionally awkwardly run-walk. And these learned skills have been with me since age 12. They are put to good use on a daily basis. The feet of New Yorkers are like cars for suburban folks. They are our primary mode of transportation. So i suppose that these walking skills are like the steering wheel, the windshield wipers, and even the fuel gauge - necessities to survive. All need to be in excellent working condition.

So halls of middle schools, i do hope you are continuing to serve as the training ground for our future New Yorkers. You have certainly served me well.

early to rise

Ben and I have been in awe of his brother Joel for awhile. He wakes up so dang early, from what we can tell, every single morning! Not only that, but he is chipper at that time of day! This is something i cannot understand, having never been one to awake with a smile already on my face. Growing up, I remember snapping at my mom on several occasions because she simply would ask me a question or try to engage in a brief conversation. But it was while i was getting ready for school and thus i was not in the mood to be chatty patty. (sorry mom!)

But times they are a changin' and now i desire to make the most out of every day. Therefore, I wanted to find out from my bro-in-law what his secret was to rising AND shining at that time of day.

Joel told me that he used to have a tough time waking up early, and that he had to train his body to make the transition. He still goes to sleep at a normal to late time so he has trained himself to not need as much sleep as he was used to getting.

He likes waking up early because, as he said, this is when the people who change the world are up and out the door. I found that to be very interesting. He and Ben agreed that there was something very nice about walking around the city in the crispness of the morning. It's more quiet, more peaceful, and there's a full day to look forward to.

I asked Joel how long it took him to make the transition to morning man. One, two days?? Weeks perhaps? His response: about 6 months or so. Yikes! That's a long time! I'm not the most high functioning person when i dont get my desired amount of sleep and so the thought of being at that level for 6 months is terrifying! But would it be worth it in the long run???

This weekend, i was awake early each morning and it made for a fun, fun time. I got tired here and there but the joy of living life made it worth it. So as i ponder the words of my bro-in-law, i feel inspired to attempt the transition to this new lifestyle. I always find myself saying, "if only there was more time in the day!" Well self, there is! I just have to be awake for it.

games and drawings and colors

I love games.

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE GAMES! I find them to be so much fun and, with my husband (who's equally fond of games) at my side, we have a blast playing games together. In fact, we will find ourselves on a Saturday afternoon or after work on a weeknight playing games for hours on end. It's a stress reliever like none other and its also just such a great way to spend time together. Since we're both strong in our "quality time" love language, it works out perfectly.

We also love hosting game nights. And our motto is always, "everybody wins!" (which, if you've been to one of our game nights in the past year, you definitely know this!)

Another thing we have found ourselves doing since we got married is drawing and coloring. Yes, sounds like these activities are "for the kids" and that adults have better, perhaps "more sophisticated" things to do with their time, but frankly, it's just good, creative FUN! I am far from a "good" visual artist but even so, i rather enjoy the art of creating something (even if its simply one of my very strange looking animals that normally do not resemble at all the animal i intended to draw.) It still brings LOTS of laughter and i can still say at the end of the day that i created something! Ben feels the same way, although his animals more often than mine actually DO turn out to be what he intended them to be!

And last but not least, coloring books. Let's just say that i still get excited to help Alice and the Mad Hatter come alive in shades of blue and green and pink.

the little colorful buds

It has been such a long time since i last wrote a post. This lack of communication is for good reason - my life took an incredible turn which left me without much time to do much of anything but enjoy, plan, and live. The "budding" relationship i mentioned in one of my last posts turned into an engagement which turned into marriage! Ben asked for my hand in marriage on March 27, 2009 to which i of course reponded "yes! yes! yes!!" The next six months was devoted to wedding planning. We pulled off a glorious celebration of our love and future together with much help from our friends and family. In fact, we couldnt have done it without this help! We were incredibly humbled by the willingness of so many people to contribute their talents and time to our big day. The big day was on October 17, 2009. We felt the presence of God in such powerful ways all day long. And oh the joy!!! We were praising Him for all of his many blessings that brought us to this special day. We've now been married for over five months! Time has flown by as we have set up our life together. We have an adorable apartment and have been learning what it's like to combine our lives with someone else's. And it's been a fantastic journey!

My friend Katie pointed out in her blog that the buds on the New York City trees magically appeared yesterday. I too noticed this, along with, i am sure, most other New Yorkers. And i love it! Every year at this time, my friend Cady notices the "new green" as she calls it, that shows up on the trees. It's a bit brighter, more fresh and alive looking. It's just so refreshing to see all of these new colors appear all around me! For me, it's a sign of new possibilities on the horizon, new opportunities just around the corner, new relationships to develop... New, new, new!! Not only that, but taking the old and cultivating it to become something even better. And this makes me excited to see what new colors are going to show up in my own life and in the lives of the family and friends who i love so dearly.

It also makes me in awe of God. That He would create plants to be cyclical like this, so that we can be reminded each and every year of the hope we have and of the freshness of new seasons.

So thank you, little colorful buds! You havent even been around for a week and yet have already brought so many smiles to my face!!

just in case

I did a major cleaning/organizational sweep in my room before the new year. My room had become an organizational disaster and yet i didn't feel like i had that much stuff. What the heck was causing this overcrowding? How come i had no space to put my text books? I became confused. I became distressed. I mean, i take pride in my organizational abilities and yet here i was, failing miserably in my own apartment! For shame, for shame!

Thus, my decision to take on this end of the year project. And in tackling the problem, i began to notice a common theme among the stuff i was getting rid of.

"I've been holding on to these super old credit card statements just in case i need to refer back to them one day"

"I've been holding on to these books i got for free just in case i have time to read them one day"

"I've been holding on to this mini sewing kit (for 10 years!) just in case i 1. want to learn to sew and 2. actually need to sew"

And the list went on and on. I realized that my room had become a storage unit for "just in case" items! And they seemed small enough, but add together many "just in case" items and suddenly you have no room left for the things you actually use! This is the trap i fell into. There was no room for the stuff i really used and so those things were getting piled on my floor, and frankly it didnt look good!

I realized that the chance of me actually needing these "just in case" items was slim. And keeping them was causing the earlier-referenced confusion and distress (and oh the shame!). My mentality had to change. And i hope to impart the wisdom i gained from this experience onto you in hopes of providing relief from the organizational mess you may have found yourself in too.

Here's the logic:
Old perspective - "I'd much rather hold on to something just in case i need it, because it will save the hassle and stress of either having to purchase it again or not being able to access it at all."

New perspective - "I want to come home to an organized room! Holding on to these "little" things is causing a big mess. Living in a disorganized place has become a daily stress, more so than it would be to need one of these "just in case" items down the road. And chances are, i wont need any of those "just in case" items anyways!"

My encouragement to you is to consider what you may be holding on to "just in case." And free yourself from these chains that bind! I cant express just how much i love having SPACE for my text books and bank statements!

big umbrellas

It was a glorious day, waking up to find the ground covered in glistening white snow. A friend of mine commented about how he loves the silent sound of a snowfall. I completely agree. I love that fun surprise of finding everything looking completely different from how I saw it the night before.

Snow boots on, there was an extra spring in my step today, walking through (or should i say "crunching through") the gorgeous snow flakes.

By mid afternoon, the snow was losing its place in the city, getting replaced by rain, rain, and more rain. Snow turned to brown snow, which turned into brown slush (which caused me to lose that extra spring in my step and take a more cautious approach to walking).

And the umbrellas came out.

And i realized a major pet peeve of mine - big umbrellas. Particularly big umbrellas being carried by small to average sized people! There i was, on the sidewalk, trying to return to work after a deposit run, and found myself in a traffic jam - because of one of these big umbrellas. One umbrella took up the ENTIRE width of the sidewalk! Underneath it was a man who could not have been any bigger than 150 pounds and 5 ft 9. No need for such a large umbrella! And because of it, those of us behind him were forced to walk at his pace.

I was tempted to purchase an umbrella of a NORMAL size and give it to him. "Think of the others! You dont rule the sidewalk umbrella guy!"

oh the places we'll go (or not go to again)

Part of my morning routine includes stopping at the local deli by my office to pick up a caffeinated bottle of soda. I have joined the ranks of folks who are dependent on this lil caffeine kick in order to function as a human being in the wee hours of the morning (1oam). It's amazing how much more "alive" i feel after taking a few sips! Well yesterday, while riding the subway to work, i counted my $1.50 in change which would be used in a few minutes to purchase this delightful beverage. I went to my deli, got my soda of choice (normally it's cherry coke zero but this time it was a diet orange sunkist - also quite refreshing!), and headed to the counter, where my deli man stands every morning with a smile on his face, to complete the transaction. I handed him my change at the same time as he said, "that'll be $1.75." !!!!! What?? How can that be? i thought in great distress. So i responded with, "$1.75, really?" He said the price for bottled soda was raised the day before. ALL bottled sodas would now be $1.75. Since i had already handed him the money, and since i have proven to be a loyal customer for well over a year, he allowed me to make one last purchase for the reasonable price of $1.50. I savored that moment, took it all in - my deli man, the soda, the purchase price of $1.50. This occurrance had been a staple in my day. And upon hearing, "that'll be $1.75," i knew things would never be the same.

The question i am faced with now is: do i resist price increases that americans everywhere are having to accept and find a new place to get my soda fix, or do i stay loyal to my deli man, accept prices for what they are and keep my morning routine in tact?

Oh how i am torn! I think some good meditation and prayer is in order...